Breakdown
by Slickflix
Summary: Brendan is behaving very strangely, and Stephen is worried.  Please feel free to review as comments are useful for next time.
1. Chapter 1

It is 7.06pm on Wednesday evening and Ste is refilling the coolers behind the bar with bottled beers and mixers. Clinking the last few into their neat rows, he grabs the empty crate and heads downstairs. As he passes by the closed office door, he hears a crashing sound, loud enough to be heard over the ambient early-evening music drifting from the sound system. He hesitates outside the door, listening for any more noises and wondering if he should knock and go in.

Brendan is in there, and he has been acting stranger than usual for several days, his mood swinging erratically from brief moments of manic laughter to hours of withdrawn silence. He is wound-up and volatile, and keeps disappearing into the office at strange times. If Ste finds an excuse to go in here, Brendan is usually sitting in his chair with his eyes closed, or pacing the room like a caged animal. Definitely not working. Ste can remember him being the same as this around the time of Danny's murder, and he can't help feeling worried. Nobody else seems to have noticed though. Warren hasn't been around and Cheryl is on holiday in Spain with Lindsey, so Ste is alone with this nagging feeling that something is not right.

There is silence now behind the door, so Ste takes the crate down and gets on with his work behind the bar, but he still feels uneasy. Brendan would normally be out here at this time, checking everything and finding things to criticise. Making dry comments and getting on Ste's case about this or that. It drives Ste mad every day, but confusingly he now finds that he is missing the familiar routine of it.

The evening gets started, the late-shift bar staff turn up, and the place starts to get busier. Brendan has still not appeared and Ste is now absolutely sure something is wrong.

He walks over and hovers again outside the door, but the music is louder now, so there is no way he can tell if there is any sound coming from inside. Anxiety skittering in his chest, he takes a deep breath, knocks, and walks in.

He is right. Something is very wrong and he knows he should have come in earlier.

Brendan is half crouching half sitting on the floor against the wall and there is blood all over his shirt, his left hand, and the floor where he is sitting. He is visibly shaking and his eyes are wild, darting around the room before focusing on Ste. There are shards of glass all over the floor and Ste sees that they must come from the shattered mirror on the wall, which is now just an empty frame.

"Brendan", he says breathlessly, crossing the room to him. Glass crunches under his shoes. "What …"

"Stephen?" Brendan looks up at him. His eyes look strange and are brimming with tears.

"What's happened?" asks Ste. He puts his hand on Brendan's shoulder and can feel his body shaking.

There is no reply.

"Brendan" he tries again, trying to catch Brendan's eye again, "Brendan, what's going on?"

There is a long pause before Brendan looks straight at Ste with an intensity Ste has never seen before. His eyes are wide and bloodshot.

"It's Danny" says Brendan, "…he's come back."

Ste stares at him for a moment, not knowing quite how to react to this news. Eventually he says carefully and slowly, "Danny...Danny Houston?"

"Yeah, yeah…Danny", confirms Brendan, nodding furiously and grasping Ste's arm, as if to make him understand. Ste can see the cuts on his knuckles where the blood has come from.

"He…Danny…He's come back for me, Stephen."


	2. Chapter 2

It is 9.47pm and Brendan is a lot calmer now. He is sitting in the chair with his eyes closed drinking whisky with his right hand, while Ste finishes bandaging his other hand. He refused to go to the hospital, so Ste has done the best he can with the First Aid kit.

"I still think you need to get this seen to properly," he says, but Brendan just grunts.

Ste wraps tape around the bandage, snips it off and surveys his work. Not a bad job actually, considering he had no idea what he was doing.

He is kneeling in front of Brendan, holding the bandaged hand in his own hands, and he suddenly becomes aware how close they are. Brendan opens his eyes and looks right at him. There is a moment of silence and Ste can feel his breathing quicken and the familiar heat of desire starts surging around his body, despite the weird situation.

Nothing has happened between them for a long time and Ste is absolutely determined that nothing will happen now. He is making things work with Noah and it is very clear in his mind these days that whatever he feels for Brendan, there is no way he will ever give in and go back to him. He cannot get out of his head the brutal way Brendan had hit him the last time; the shock of that sudden vicious coldness after the warm heat of the hours they had spent in bed. His heart contracts with private pain every time he thinks about it.

But here they are now, close enough to breathe each other in, and Brendan is looking at him that way, and he can smell the familiar scent of his strong lean body, and damn it, his own body is betraying him, aching for that touch, for that kiss.

"Thank you," breathes Brendan, and after a confused moment Ste realises he means the bandage. They look at each other for another long time. Ste knows that Brendan is going to kiss him and he knows he is not going to stop him.

It is a sweet, gentle, soft kiss. The kind of kiss Brendan does not often give. It is a brief moment of intense sensation and intense pleasure, which Ste finds somehow clears his head. He looks at Brendan again, and sees the tired shadows beneath his eyes, the bandaged hand and the blood stains, and the shards of glass on the carpet. He remembers the shaking body and the wild eyes. _He…Danny…he's come back for me, Stephen._

Brendan puts his hand on the back of Ste's neck and draws him in for a second kiss, but Ste shakes his head gently and quietly says "no". He suddenly feels completely sure of himself and sure of what he is doing. "No", he repeats almost in a whisper, and he knows he will stand his ground.

There is a long pause while they continue to look at each other. The muffled beat of a dance track hums through the walls.

"Okay" says Brendan quietly, and looks away. And with that one word, they both understand that they have crossed a line into a new place, where Brendan needs Ste, and they both know it.


	3. Chapter 3

It is 10.29pm and Ste returns to the office after nipping out to check everything is fine in the club. They sit and talk, and Brendan tells him that a few weeks ago he had started having vivid and terrifying nightmares about Danny's murder. Every time he fell asleep Danny was back from the grave and coming after him in horrifying ways.

"What d'you mean? What kind of thing?" Ste had asked, and Brendan had looked at him, his face ashen, and said "Trust me, you don't want to know, Stephen".

He had tried sleeping with the light on, drinking enough whiskey to induce a coma, and had even taken some sleeping pills which Cheryl had got once from the doctor, but nothing made any difference. He dreaded trying to sleep, so he'd been staying at the club till closing time every night, barely sleeping at all. The tiredness had made him feel spaced-out, edgy and ill, and then a few days ago he had started to get the feeling he was being watched all the time as well, and sometimes that he was being followed.

"And then I saw him", he says in a flat, tired voice. "The first time was in a shop, just for a moment…so I thought it was just the tiredness, you know? That my mind was playing tricks." He gestures vaguely towards his head. "But the second time…no mistake. He walked right past me in the street Stephen, as close as you are now, and he looked right at me. It was him." He sounds very sure, and Ste is frowning with concern, knowing that it can't possibly have actually been Danny, but seeing that Brendan truly believes it was.

"So…what about your hand?" he asks tentatively.

"I keep seeing him, behind me…in the mirror," says Brendan, as if this is a perfectly reasonable explanation, and Ste realises that he must have smashed the mirror with his bare hand to….to what? To make Danny go away? Ste wonders if Brendan thinks the Danny in the mirror is equally as real as the Danny who passed him on the street, but he doesn't know how to ask, and he is worried about what the answer might be.

Feeling way out of his depth now, Ste is starting to worry about what will happen tomorrow, or the day after that. He has been scared _of_ Brendan so many times he's lost count, but right now he is scared _for_ him, and this feels even worse. However violent and cruel he has been towards him, he knows that Brendan does love him in whatever limited way he is capable of. He killed Danny to protect _him_, and now it seems like that might have pushed him over some invisible edge of reason.

"Right…um, I'm going to clean this up," he says, gesturing at the glass and heading out the door for a dustpan and brush. He tries to think practically. Brendan obviously needs to see a shrink or a counsellor or something. He's probably got that Post Traumatic Stress thing. Loads of soldiers get that after killing people and they can have therapy and get over it. But then he realises with a sinking feeling; he _can't _see anyone about it, can he? Because he's not a soldier; he's a drug dealing murderer. He can't tell anyone about killing Danny or he'll end up in prison for the rest of his life. _Shit_. The only other person who either of them can talk to about Danny is Warren, and Ste can't imagine Warren being any use at all, especially not at any sort of counselling or whatever.

Returning to the room, he starts sweeping up the glass. Brendan is sitting very still, looking tired and holding his bandaged hand. Ste decides that he will talk to Cheryl when she gets back from Spain. If he asks the right way, she will do anything for Brendan without too many questions. In the meantime he will just have to do the best he can, and hope that Brendan gets a grip soon.

"I think you should go home," he says. "I'm off at midnight and I'm going your way." This isn't strictly true. He hadn't planned to go to Noah's tonight because Noah would be in bed by the time he got there and out early in the morning, but Ste has a key and knows it will be fine.

Brendan nods silently. He looks broken. "You really need some sleep Brendan. You never know, it might be better tonight" he adds, meaning the nightmares. Brendan just nods again.


	4. Chapter 4

It is 2.27am and Ste is lying in bed with his eyes open, unable to sleep. The room is silent apart from the rhythmic sound of Noah's breathing and the tick of a clock. He reaches under the pillow and touches his phone yet again, to check it is not vibrating, although he knows it is not.

"Remember, I'm just next door if…if you need me", he had said to Brendan as they parted outside a couple of hours ago. He had fought the overwhelming instinct to go in with him, and instead watched the door close with a pang of anxiety.

And here he is now, lying beside Noah, but thinking about Brendan. Again. He has never spent a night in this room without wondering what Brendan was doing next door, just a few metres away. He is grateful that Noah's room does not share a wall with Brendan's room. That would do his head in completely.

He slips the phone from under the pillow and slides carefully out of bed, trying not to wake Noah. Padding down the stairs, he looks at the phone again. Nothing. Is Brendan asleep then?

In the kitchen he pours a glass of water and opens the fridge. He hasn't eaten anything for hours but he doesn't really want anything. He is considering a bowl of cereal when he hears a soft thump. He freezes, and listens. Did that come from next door? He thinks so. Moving closer to the wall, he listens for a few more minutes, but there is nothing but silence. He hesitates for a moment, then grabs his keys and phone and heads for the front door.

Outside, he puts his head close to Brendan's door and listens again. He can definitely hear movement now. He knocks softly on the door. The noises stop and there is a very long pause. He knocks again. More silence. He can't shout, so he decides to try phoning, but just as he is about to dial he hears Brendan's voice just the other side of the door.

"Danny?" His voice is strange and apprehensive and Ste's heart sinks. _This is not good_. _He actually believes Danny Houston is knocking on his door. _

"Brendan, it's me", he hisses, trying to be clear but not loud. "Open the door".

There is a pause and then the door opens. Brendan looks suspiciously around behind Ste, then pulls him inside and shuts the door. He looks even worse than he did earlier, tiredness and fear etched on his face. _He looks like a crazy person_, thinks Ste, feeling another stab of real worry.

Something looks wrong in the room, and Ste realises that Brendan has moved all the furniture around. He cannot imagine why and he definitely does not want to ask. _Let's keep this simple_, he thinks. He knows very well that a good night's sleep is not going to fix this, but it's a start and he has no other ideas.

"You need to sleep, Brendan" he says, trying to sound firm but gentle.

"Yes I do, Stephen" replies Brendan, nodding.

"Well….how about if I sit with you while you sleep?" he suggests. "It might be better with somebody else there".

Brendan gives him a smile and raises an eyebrow, and for a moment all the weirdness is gone and he looks his normal self. Ste is grateful for this little interlude, back on familiar ground. He rolls his eyes and says wearily, "I'm not going to bed with you, Brendan. I'm sitting with you while you sleep".


	5. Chapter 5

It is 3.42am and Ste is sitting back against some pillows in the bed next to Brendan, who is lying down with his eyes closed. Ste is not sure if he is asleep or not but he seems very quiet and still. He definitely doesn't look like he's having a nightmare, for now at least.

He looks at the wall and thinks about Noah next door. He is not sure what to tell him, if anything. Noah would not be happy if he knew Ste was in Brendan's bed right now, whatever the reason. Ste is trying to be honest and do the right thing these days, but the thought of trying to explain all this to Noah makes him think it's better just to keep quiet.

Ste is starting to feel exhausted now. Brendan hasn't moved for ages so he decides to try and snatch some sleep himself. He moves down the bed to lie down, and closes his eyes. The smell of the pillows fills his head with warm memories of sex and sleep in this bed, and his body feels heavy with the pull of sleep. He is just drifting into unconscious when he feels Brendan's body move close up next to his, and a warm hand slide onto his belly. He still can not tell if Brendan is asleep or not, but either way his own body is responding in a way he wishes it wasn't. His heart is thumping and his groin is aching with desire. Memories of Brendan's hands and mouth on his body are suddenly playing like a porn film in his head, and he is fighting a powerful urge to put his hand on Brendan's and slide it under his t-shirt, or down beneath the waistband of his boxers.

But he does not. Instead he forces himself to think about Brendan hitting him that last time; knocking him sideways so hard he had swiped him right off his feet and across the room. The metallic taste of blood on his lips, and the thud inside his head as he had hit the wall and collapsed, knocking the breath right out of his chest. And worse than any of that was the vacant coldness in Brendan's eyes as he had watched him struggling to breathe, trying to get up off the floor. That was the moment when he had truly understood that it was never going to be right between them even though it was no longer a secret; that Brendan would never stop hitting him; would always find another reason; and that it had to be over for good this time.

He sighs and turns onto his side, away from Brendan.


End file.
